| “I cannot but make progress; each drawing one makes, each study one paints, is a step forward. It’s true, it is the same as on a road, one sees the church spire in the distance, but as the ground undulates, when one thinks one has arrived, there is another bit one had not seen at first, and which must still be covered. But one gets nearer and nearer.”
- Vincent Van Gogh |
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| Of Earth (Gaia, Oil and Foil on Canvas, 24”x30”) |
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| | Am I Still Growing?
Oh, I do hope so! At almost 5’3” I’m still holding out hope.
Last month I attended an art social (shoutout to the FXBG Arts Commission for hosting) in which the panelists were all asked “What does growth mean to you?” They all had great answers, and after thinking about it, I think my answer would be “consistency, discomfort, and freedom.” |
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• CONSISTENCYWhile I have been an artist most of my life, I can pinpoint the moment when I started growing in leaps and bounds creatively. It’s when I finally committed to showing up consistently for my creative practice because it mattered, regardless of how I felt. As someone who has always lived with mental health challenges and neurodivergence, I spent years really struggling to do even the most basic tasks consistently, so taking on big creative projects and completing them often felt like a mountain too big to climb. I had to address a lot of things in my personal life that were keeping me small before I was able to grow fully in my creative life, but on top of that I had to mature enough to understand that most people don’t “feel” like doing difficult or boring tasks. As much as people romanticize art, it is often difficult and mundane once you’re over the initial inspiration. Just like exercise or eating well, the good feelings usually follow the actions rather than precede them. I know we all know this, but people seem to put art in a separate category than other work or care tasks and I think that’s a mistake. People assume it’s all natural talent and flow and feelings rather than actual work. |
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| I had to start this piece over four times. FOUR! At first, the pose and color scheme were all wrong, and then once I got that right, I kept messing up the gold leaf. I’m so glad I pushed through. |
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People come into my studio asking:
“How do you paint like that?” “How do you not get burnt out?” “How do you do skintones?” “How are you able to finish a piece before starting a million other projects?”
And my answer is always some unglamorous version of “I just keep at it.” I just fix my mistakes and keep trying.
Whatever you are hoping to grow in yourself or in your life doesn’t require you to have limitless knowledge, resources, or energy, but rather, just enough belief in yourself to know you can do one small little thing, and then another small little thing, and then another small little thing…over and over again.
Picasso was right about this: “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”
I’m not sure if there’s anything as boring and valuable as consistency. |
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| I love the gold and green together. |
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• DISCOMFORTNo matter the situation, in general, effort + time = growth, and unfortunately real effort requires being well acquainted with discomfort. For me that looks like balancing my personal life with my creative practice, taking on new work and bigger work, trying new techniques or media, figuring out business and admin stuff, managing large longterm projects and/or daunting timelines, showing up alone to art markets/shows/events as a very socially anxious introvert (panic attack in the bathroom, anyone?), awkwardly reaching out to strangers to model for me without sounding creepy, or applying to shows/competitions when I know statistically my work may not be accepted. The more I do scared, the more I am able to do scared. (Are we all just nervous frightened kids out here playing pretend or is it just me?)
Is it possible to grow without growing pains and stretch marks? |
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| I ended up using a composite of six different photos as references for this piece, two I took of the model and four stock landscape photos. |
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You’re allowed to take breaks. You’re allowed to change things up. You’re allowed to start again. You’re allowed to grow quietly and slowly. You’re allowed to account for droughts and dormancy, poor conditions, and sometimes a lack of nurturance and support. What you’re NOT allowed to do, if you really want to grow, is give up on yourself entirely.
I want to add that while we typically consider growth as a climb, comparing where we are now to where we used to be as a form of accurate measurement isn’t always a realistic or healthy framework. Sometimes it feels really lovely to look back and see what we consider a positive progression. It’s amazing and important to celebrate our hard work! At the same time, I’m thinking about a conversation I had recently with a friend whose stubborn cancer and cancer treatments frustratingly prevent them from that forward trajectory they long for, or even a backward trajectory to their former physically stronger self. Comparing ourselves to anyone (including other versions of ourselves) doesn’t work because we aren’t in the same situation as those people. Maybe growth comes in many messy forms and cycles, is not always measurable, and is not a race. Maybe any presence or endurance of body, mind and spirit during the difficult seasons is already a huge indicator of just how much growth we’ve already experienced, perhaps without ever noticing. |
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| Thank you to the lovely and incredibly skilled NiTasha Jackson for posing for me again. |
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• FREEDOMThis is the lovely part, not always the easy part, but the lovely part.
John Singer Sargent, the most sought after portrait artist of his time, abandoned his career at the height of success. Why? Because he didn’t love it. Exhausted from trying to please his wealthy patrons, he chose to leave fame behind and create whatever he wanted, on his own terms. I see that as growth.
Growth means leaving behind that which holds us back (including the expectations of others) whenever possible, or perhaps recognizing what those obstacles are and creatively finding ways to work around them, with them, or through them. I’m thinking of stubborn weeds seeking light through the cracks in a sidewalk. May we persist! |
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| Yay, I did it! Please zoom in for my eyeball earring, thank you. |
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| | Save the Date!
I’ve spent the last six months focused on work for my upcoming show, Divine (eleven new oil paintings loosely inspired by Greek goddesses) and I will be spending the next few months trying to make it to the finish line. I’m not gonna lie, I’m tired and want to rest and then move on to other things, but I’m also so excited for the collection to be done and to celebrate with you. I do hope lots of you can make it! It would mean so much to share this with you. |
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| Please mark your calendars for September 10th, 6-9 PM! |
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| | Easy Wins
I felt like I was going a wee bit crazy this month on some of my more challenging pieces and just needed to pivot by playing with something that could actually be finished in a day.
I whipped out a couple new pretty little things and they’re currently for sale in my studio (upstairs) at LibertyTown Arts Workshop. |
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| “This and That” (Gynandromorph Butterfly) and “Rosy” (Rose Robin) |
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| Curating a lovely studio space makes me happy. I hope you’ll come visit soon and maybe treat yourself to something sweet! |
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| | Thank you again for your time and support. I hope you’re well. I always appreciate you reading and reaching out. What would you like me to write about next time? Hit me up.
WIP always, dolly
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