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| “Passion is the bridge that takes you from pain to change.” - Frida Kahlo |
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| Messes (Working Around and Pushing Through)
In general, I don’t love messes or chaos, but somehow I’m still a mess, while life is still chaotic. I like things to be planned out. I like to feel confident and informed before I make decisions. I don’t like surprises. I like to practice a lot on my own first so no one on the playground will laugh at me.
I would very much like you to enter my home and life and think it’s all curated coziness and charm, when in reality I was probably stashing stuff into the hall closet before you arrived - DO NOT OPEN THAT!!!
In the same way, I don’t always love to share my works in progress, because MESS! I want to explain that it’s not finished, and I can do better, and I’m still figuring things out, and, and, and… |
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| The mess I’m working through (I don’t know how to handle these flowers! I want to keep them loose and I suck at that! Help!) Also, the mess I’m currently ignoring in my studio that you can’t see while I’m filming content. (Someone really should do something about those piles.) |
| So, if I don’t love mess or unreliability, why the hell am I an artist? That’s kinda like the whole thing. (I don’t exactly know what to tell you there, but feel free to play therapist and examine why I do this to myself!)
I have tried to get so much better about diving in before I feel sure, embracing unknown outcomes, and getting comfortable with creative chaos. The knowing only comes in the doing, and the beauty only emerges from the mess.
Sharing my process and the “ugly middle” of things in recent years to counteract this fear of mine, this idea that everything must be solved and sorted before I can start it, or “good enough” before I can share it, has helped me grow in this area I think.
The more AI art or influencers we see, the more filters we use, the more curated we make our lives appear, the more sped up the reels are, the less human and attainable it all feels. Yes, I want my finished pieces to be lovely and loved, BUT we must remember that real beauty is attained only by pushing through some very awkward, messy, ugly, frustrating stages.
Similarly, I often have to look past the very real messes in my home and brain in order to prioritize my art. If I waited until everything was in order, until I felt confident, until I had uninterrupted time, I would never make a single thing.
So what are you missing out on while you wait for those imaginary “perfect” conditions? And what is the world missing out on while they wait for you to feel “put together” enough to try? |
| | Moons, Moths, and Mushrooms, Oh My! |
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| Welcome to my miniature forest!
When I need to whip up some small little things quickly for markets or my space at Libertytown my go-to is often moons, moths, and mushrooms. Yes, I like them very much, but if I’m being honest, they’re also just easy for me because I paint them a lot. So, I don’t have any large impressive works to share this month, just a bunch of little things I needed to make to fill up my space, and hopefully, other people’s space. Nothing groundbreaking to see here, folks, and that is perfectly fine! Pretty little accessible things are very comforting and nice I think, and you should always buy them, from me specifically. ;) |
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| While half of my mini forest sold at the market, you can still find plenty of pretties at LibertyTown. |
| | Menopause, My Personal Hell
Is it hot in here???
Bet you didn’t think you were gonna have to read about this when you signed up for an art newsletter!
Surprise!
The majority of my followers/subscribers are middle aged women so….not sorry.
Because I had a hysterectomy in my 30’s (no regrets there), I began experiencing menopause symptoms on the younger side of normal. Some doctors said I wouldn’t, some said I would, and all of them just didn’t think that was a big deal or advise me on what I may experience moving forward. Well, I’ve been living with untreated menopause symptoms for years and they have become a very big deal. |
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| | Suicide and divorce rates skyrocket in menopausal women. Hello, estrogen is a brain hormone! Estrogen loss isn’t simply “hot flashes.” It’s directly linked to a host of serious issues including depression, anxiety, and chronic insomnia while also putting us at a much higher risk of significant bone loss, yet many medical professionals place all of these things under the umbrella of “normal” as in, just accept your misery, as in, “You’re a woman! Shouldn’t you be used to discomfort by now?” And the answer to that would be yes, most of us are. That’s why we can go years ignoring, downplaying, or accepting how shitty we feel because we think it’s just normal. Last year my symptoms got worse and worse to the point where I really felt I was losing it (and this was before the election!) I pretty much wanted to set everything on fire, and I didn’t want that to be my new normal.
It is strange to me that this is something so many people will experience and yet many of the symptoms aren’t openly discussed or properly treated (which is why I’m talking about it.) We’re just supposed to sorta suffer in silence for several years while our brains and bodies completely change. You’ll probably find more information and support on women’s health from Reddit than you will many medical professionals.
It wasn’t until this year that I was able to start hrt, which is FINALLY definitely helping! It has been an emotional rollercoaster getting that right, and waiting for the effects to kick in. My family has had to laugh alongside me over all the emotional ups and downs, extra anxiety (did I need more?), and brain fog, and I joke with them to be patient with me as I’m transitioning into a woman. I like being a woman! But good god it’s not easy.
I would equate taking estrogen to when I needed to take antidepressants years ago - for me, it’s taken awhile but been life altering. While it doesn’t erase all symptoms, it has made things more manageable. I no longer want to set “everything” on fire, just some things!
I don’t know if I’ll make any art directly about this topic, but it did lead me to find the following artists trying to paint a picture of this strange life transition:
(Menopause - A Personal Journey, Sara Gregory
Unexpected Expectations of Menopause, Adeola Davies
Menopause Patches and Milestones, Éadaoin Glynn
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| Anxiety, Heat Rising, Down, Sara Gregory |
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| (Left) Through the Hills and Valleys, Adeola Davies (Right) Self-Portrait With Estrogen Patch 1 (Bathroom Mirror Selfie), Éadaoin Glynn |
| I really admire people who allow their humanity and vulnerability to shine through in their work, and I hope if you’re one of the people on this rollercoaster with me, you know that you are NOT crazy. So let’s try to enjoy Hell together! Bring snacks! |
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| | Museum Inspired
Or more specifically, Frida inspired.
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| I recently visited the Frida Kahlo exhibit at VMFA with my bestie and left with a very full heart.
I think there are instances where one can separate the art from the artist…
and then there are Fridas.
To love her work is to love her, and vice versa, because everything she made was very personal, symbolic, intentional, and vulnerable. While there are many people who may not always understand or appreciate her creative style, mediums, or life choices, most would agree that she has become an inspirational icon for artists and non artists alike, and for very good reason. She understood very clearly that art and activism go hand in hand. She was confident in her own unique beauty rather than ascribing to conventional beauty standards. She didn’t allow the success of her older famous husband to intimidate or overshadow her own creative ambitions. She lived and created with such passion and persistence in the face of so much pain, that her entire existence was considered a work of art to the observer. She painted her pain rather than hiding it. She “wore her heart on her sleeve” and you’ll see it over and over again in her work. These are just some of the reasons she was (and still is) admired by so many, but still felt so lonely. |
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| Her first self portrait (a gift to her boyfriend), a sketch (depicting and processing one of her miscarriages), and a still life (Living Nature/Naturaleza Viva) by Frida Kahlo. |
| The exhibit featured a combination of her work (some lesser known works I had not seen yet) and a vast array of portraits of her captured by her contemporaries. It was interesting to see how she saw herself and her life versus how other people saw her.
If you are in the area and able to, I definitely recommend checking out the exhibit before it closes in September. |
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| Frida & Friends! (I don’t think I’ve ever regretted not wearing a big fabulous necklace so much in my life.) |
| In anticipation of my visit, I made little Frida stickers. I’ve created various paintings, prints, and ornaments of her over the years, so I thought it would be fun to try a sticker this time. I think they turned out so cute! |
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| Frida art I’ve made in the past. |
| Thank you Frida for inspiring me so long after you’re gone. Viva la Frida! |
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Reading…
Light -
Good Material, Dolly Alderton
A British novel about lost love and what we can learn about ourselves through it, from a middle aged man’s perspective. I went in completely blind on this one, unfamiliar with the author or subject matter, but found it to be witty, insightful, funny, and bittersweet. I definitely had a little cry. Once again, men are just as emotional and insecure as women, they’re often just less likely to have the correct tools to articulate and process it. That can of course be changed. I really enjoyed her writing and I will be checking out more Dolly books for sure.
Heavy -
Mother Hunger (How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance), Kelly McDaniel
I haven’t quite finished this one and I will say that it sometimes reads a bit like a psychology textbook, but I think this is a subject many can identify with and hopefully heal from. After years of working as a therapist, McDaniel’s brings patterns she’s repeatedly observed with her patients to the page in the hopes of giving some practical steps to finding the root causes of so many women’s insecurities. More often than not, when we didn’t have our basic emotional and physical needs met as children, we as adults end up looking for comfort in all the wrong places. This often shows up in how we relate to other people and how we relate to food.
As someone with a very high ACE score, this book has been somewhat difficult but also helpful for me. You don’t need to have a highly traumatic background though in order to have some unfulfilled needs show up in your behavioral patterns. As the author points out, one may have had a loving mother and still struggle in many areas, because mothers are imperfect people. Things like Patriarchy, mental illness, education, religious beliefs, poverty and more can influence how they may have been able to show up for us. For those of us lacking any maternal connection, we have to address what was missing and parent ourselves, or cause more harm. That can feel very healing and empowering, but also very exhausting and lonely at times. If this resonates, you’re not alone.
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| I don’t wish to brag, but this week I received a major award from Charlie (who has never read my newsletter). I am truly honored. |
| | Did you enjoy this newsletter? If not, I DON’T really want to hear about it. Otherwise, reach out if you want or need.
Let’s keep going, mess makers! Back to the easel I go.
WIP always, dolly |
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